We’ve all said it. We’ve all had those trips where it’s just one frustrating situation after another and a good cocktail sounds like the perfect cure. As crew members, we deal with the unexpected all day long: unruly passengers, weather delays, maintenance issues, medical emergencies, and the list goes on. Sometimes there’s nothing like a good drink to unwind at the end of a long and unpredictable day. Plus, happy hour is a great way to share stories and create much-needed camaraderie amongst crew members on a trip. After all, we’re miles away from our loved ones and we often become each other’s family while we’re on the road. In the lonely world of aviation, we crave those connections. For many crew members, those connections often include alcohol.
But at what point is it too much? When does it stop being a fun casual outing and become a problem? We always find ourselves making excuses for it: “How often am I in Rome? I have to drink wine while I’m here.” “Great, I’m in the middle-of-nowhere, USA – there’s nothing to do here except drink!” It’s so easy to let social drinking develop into a habit that could become potentially dangerous. Where do we draw the line?
Why it’s a problem:
We fly with different crew members every time we go to work – which can be a blessing and a curse. If we get drunk and messy around our crew, we can pass it off as a one-time situation by saying something like “Oh my god! I never get like that.” and move on. Being a flight crew member creates the rare opportunity for anonymity at work. Chances are, no one will think twice about our behavior on one trip. Then, the next time we act like that with a new crew, we can say the same thing and repeat the process without anyone ever really catching on. It’s so easy to become an alcoholic in the aviation industry, but everyone seems to be too afraid to talk about it – or worse, too comfortable doing it.
What we can do:
Stop peer pressuring people to drink. We find ourselves saying things to each other like “Oh, you’re no fun!” if someone on our crew says they want to enjoy a quiet layover. While saying something like this may seem insignificant in the moment, it can be extremely toxic. Not only have we tried to pressure someone into doing something that they don’t want to do, but we’ve also made them feel ostracized from the rest of the crew. Instead, we could say, “This place also has great food and live music, too, we can grab dinner or coffee instead.” If they don’t want to join, don’t keep harping on it! Not everyone wants to spend their layovers getting drunk or even being social at all. Sometimes people need that time alone to recharge. We have to get better at respecting each other’s boundaries and being the support system that we all so desperately need while we’re away from our friends and family.
As aviation professionals, safety is our top priority, so we have strict rules and regulations regarding the use of drugs and alcohol, but so often we push our limits. We’re not trying to point fingers, place blame, or make anyone feel bad about their choices. Rather than shaming each other for what we do with our free time, we need to be sensitive to the fact that everyone is on a different journey. We’re not perfect and we all make mistakes from time to time, but we have to be more open and honest about how we live our lives on the road.
Whether or not you’ve felt yourself going too far on a layover in the past or you’re someone who doesn’t ever drink on trips, we have to normalize these discussions and work harder to take care of each other. You can’t have healthy habits without healthy conversations.
The bottom line:
We’re not saying you can’t have fun on layovers – by all means, live it up! Having fun with crew members is sometimes the best part about this job, but layovers don’t have to be all about drinking. Be open to breaking old habits and trying new things.
So, what is the solution? That’s up to you.
Rent a car and go for a drive, go hiking, find a museum or art gallery, do some shopping, and the list of non-alcoholic activities goes on! If you decide that you want to drink on your layovers, that’s cool, too! Here are a few suggestions we’ve discovered over the years that have helped us balance a fun and healthy lifestyle, both while traveling and at home:
Choose a drink limit for yourself and stick to it. Or look at your layovers and decide in advance that you’re only going to drink on a particular layover or two that month. This is obviously easier said than done, but you’ll thank yourself the next day when you’re well rested rather than hungover on the plane.
Don’t drink alone.
This may seem like an obvious one, but one or two glasses of wine alone in your hotel room can sometimes lead to more and more, with no one around to question what you’re doing. If you’re going to drink, make sure you’re doing it in a safe social setting rather than using alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Choose a dry week.
This one has worked especially well for us and something that we came up with during COVID19. Rather than doing a dry January like most people, we choose a dry week every month. It’s a good way to question our habits on the regular and keep ourselves in check. It also allows us to focus on alternative ways to socialize with friends that don’t involve drinking.
Find an alternative.
While drinking on a layover can be fun for some, there are so many alternative activities that you can enjoy. Try something new and find out what gets you excited for your layovers. As crew members, we get to see places around the globe that our friends at home only dream about. Create memories that you’ll want to remember, not ones that you can’t remember. Do your research and make the most of it!
Reduce your drinking.
There are plenty of crew members out there that rarely drink and some that don’t drink at all. Reach out to them for words of encouragement and support. We have to normalize that drinking is a personal choice and it’s not for everyone. Be supportive of your fellow crew members, regardless of what their relationship with alcohol is. Everyone is on their own journey and has their own unique relationship with alcohol.
DISCLAIMER: We are not mental health professionals and the information provided here is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you believe you or another individual is suffering a mental health crisis or other medical emergency, contact your doctor, seek medical attention immediately in an emergency room, reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or call 911.
I put on some music, brewed myself a cup of coffee, and started a load of laundry. It was a typical morning off from my flight attendant life. All I wanted to do was relax and lounge around the house. As I ran downstairs to fold the laundry, my phone buzzed with a new e-mail. I knew today would be the day I got the news, but I was still hoping things would somehow be different. There it was: Furloughed. In just a matter of weeks, I would be unemployed. I sat down on the steps, home alone that day, and cried. I don’t know how long I sat on the stairs but in that moment, it felt like forever. The job that I had been doing for seven years was saying goodbye to me, at least temporarily. I knew it was coming and I know it won’t last forever, but when I saw it in writing, I was crushed.
When I first started flying, my life was a mess. My job was emotionally draining, I couldn’t afford to pay rent, I was on food stamps, and I was in a dead-end relationship. There was literally nowhere to go but up. One night, after a really big glass of wine (or two), I applied on a whim to become a flight attendant and just a few weeks later, I got the job. Becoming a flight attendant didn’t just change my life, it saved my life.
The flight attendant job is a dream. It’s fun. It’s flexible. We get to see the world and visit friends in faraway places whenever we like. For some flight attendants, this is the job they got after high school, or dropped out of college for. For others, this was only a steppingstone or a chance to see the world. Whatever the reason for becoming a flight attendant may be, the thought of now going back into the so-called “real world” seems daunting for many. As challenging as it can be to adjust to the flight attendant lifestyle, it’s even harder to imagine leaving it.
Recently, I was flying with one of my best friends. The Captain announced that we were starting our descent into Boston. Our crew had just one more flight to go and then we would be home after a very long trip. As the plane flew down through the clouds, it quickly became dark and our plane leveled out again. We were in a holding pattern as a storm rolled through Logan International Airport. The Captain made an announcement to the entire plane, “Well folks, air traffic is holding us here until the weather clears up in Boston. We’ll get you there… eventually.” We all cringed as we heard his words echo through the cabin. That’s the funny thing about being a flight attendant. We are well-prepared for anything to happen and yet we are still somehow surprised and even annoyed when it does. When you become a flight attendant or pilot, you tell the company you’re interviewing with that you’re flexible and adapt to change quickly. As the years go by, you deal with delays, diversions, and sometimes missing important life moments, all because of a flight gone wrong. That’s just the nature of the industry, but we still do it anyway because we love what we do.
At the end of that trip, we did make it home eventually. We may have diverted to another airport along the way, but ultimately, we made it to our destination safely. For those of you around the world hanging up your wings for a few months, a few years, or possibly even forever, look at this as just another diversion. Rather than let it bring you down, think of it as a chance for new opportunities. You’ll always be a flight attendant at heart, so do what any flight attendant does best: face the situation head on, follow your instincts, and dream big. We will be back in the skies before you know it, or something great could be waiting just around the corner.
Special thank you to Taylor Tippett for allowing us to use her photos. Now more than ever, we appreciate the words of wisdom and encouragement! Check out her Instagram accounts for more inspiration: @taylortippett@wordsfromthewindowseat
Everyone on the plane was shocked. He quickly gathered his belongings, emptied the contents of a beverage cart liquor drawer into his bag, and launched the evacuation slide onto the tarmac. He hopped down the slide and for a few brief moments, Steven Slater was free. Little did he know in that moment that his story would be making national headlines. Slater simply wanted to make a point to his company that he had felt unsupported. He could have just walked off the plane and turned in his crew badge, but he knew that would leave little to no impact on airline culture – he had to do more. His mother had fallen ill, his airline didn’t seem to be particularly supportive, and passengers had pushed one too many buttons. All of this plus an earlier altercation with a passenger had brought him to his breaking point. Steven Slater had had enough. He needed to be heard.
In his new memoir, Wingwalking, Steven Slater recounts the events of that day as well as his life before and after his career in the airline industry. I had the opportunity to meet with Steven recently to talk about his new book. They often say that once aviation gets in your blood, it stays there – and being a flight attendant is no exception. When I met Steven at a coffee shop in San Diego, he was friendly, polite, and smiling – in true flight attendant fashion. Slater seemed confident and ready for the next chapter of his life. We sat down and had a candid conversation about his career as a flight attendant, his life on the ground, and what occurred on that fateful day.
Two Guys On A Plane: What made you decide to write a book about these events and why now? What was the writing process like for you? Steven S:I actually started writing it in a motel room; it was incredibly painful and yet liberating. I didn’t intend to publish. It started as a journal. It was cathartic and freeing to write. It helped me put things into perspective and then it took on a life of its own. My writing was raw and dark. There were times I had to step away, but it brought me a release I hadn’t felt before. Many flight attendants had come to me and said that I should share my story and that it could help people who also faced similar mental health and substance abuse issues. I initially feared it would come across in poor taste, especially given some of my experiences, but I hadn’t thought of being able to help people with my stories before – so I decided to take a risk.
TG: In your book you discuss a variety of different issues – some personal, some external – what would you say was the biggest factor in pushing you to your breaking point on the day of your notorious incident at JetBlue? SS: I call it a perfect storm. My mother was ill, and I was dealing with bipolar and substance abuse issues. I was on reserve at the time and I didn’t have the time to schedule the self-care that I needed. I wasn’t able to make AA meetings. It was a perfect storm of bipolar mania, precipitated by alcohol, and rage from situations that JetBlue had caused me – and then that woman pushed me to the edge.
TG: I noticed after your JetBlue incident that you appeared in multiple major media interviews. A lot of people have accused you of deploying the slide to seek attention, so what made you decide to speak out and appear in various media outlets? SS: At the time of the incident, my son was 17. The media was releasing information about my HIV status, my personal life, and the story was being spun in a way that was only getting more outrageous over time. I had to speak up and defend myself. There was so much misinformation out there and I needed to take ownership of my story.
TG: How did you feel immediately after the incident? Did you feel any remorse? SS:Over time, I’ve learned to advocate for myself. Looking back, I wish I’d advocated for myself better at the time to have had a better income. I didn’t know how to ask for help and I backed myself in a corner. Everything I’ve gone through has made me who I am. I’ve become a much stronger and more compassionate person, but it came at a high price.
TG: Every so often, you will see a headline in the news about a flight attendant who lashes out. Do you pay special attention to those stories, and do these stories spark anything within you? SS: At the time of the incident, I was living on the East Coast and my mother was in California. I wanted to move back to California, but I wasn’t getting the support I needed from JetBlue. I wasn’t being treated like a human. I was just a number to them and that affected me deeply. My first concern when I hear these stories is for the flight attendant. Having been in their shoes, I wonder – what is this person going through, what is going to happen to them next, and are they able to get any support? Sometimes I will even reach out to them to offer support.
TG: Do you ever miss flying? SS:I miss the dining, the shopping, the whole experience. I miss meeting new people and what flying used to be. I’m not so much interested in what the job has become. Missed what flying was, but not so much interested in what it became. I miss the camaraderie. The support from the flight attendant family has been phenomenal both after the incident and throughout the release of my book. If I didn’t have the support of the flight attendant’s around me, I don’t know what I would do. They’ve paid my rent, provided me with clothing, and even bought me food, emotional support. I’m very grateful.
TG: Do you think there would have been a different outcome had your airline offered more support to you along the way? What do you think airlines can do to prevent things like this from happening again? SS: Airlines need to look at their crew members as human beings and not just numbers. If someone had stopped to check in with me, we might have had a different outcome. It’s not to say I put all the blame on them. I take responsibility for my actions but wonder if I had more support along the way, if it might’ve been different. I might have had more time to take care of myself and not get to that point. I think airlines need to be more compassionate and humane. Substance abuse in the airline industry is rampant. When I worked for Delta, they had said it was fine initially, and then fired me after I went to rehab. Airlines need to pay more attention and offer more support after incidents happen in flight attendants’ lives both on and off the aircraft. If they failed me, then they have definitely failed other crew members, too.
TG: Now that the book has been released, what do you hope people take away after reading your story? SS:I hope that people get a little bit more of a human view of who I actually am. I’m not a two-dimensional media created caricature and there is an actual person behind the headlines. Most of all, I want to give encouragement to people that suffer. I hope it will be useful for people who experience bipolar and substance abuse. I hope that it shows folks that there is hope for life with those conditions. It is possible to transcend.
TG: So what’s the next chapter for you? SS:I’m still figuring that out. I’m settling into San Diego, I’m maintaining my sobriety, and I’m focusing on my health. I’m currently looking into education opportunities and the prospect of becoming a substance abuse counselor. I want to take the experiences that I have and use that to give back. It’s time for a reinvention. Steven 2.0 is coming.”
As aviation professionals, we live each day surrounded by people and yet often feel so alone. The combination of being away from family and friends, working with strangers, and spending nights alone in foreign cities can certainly take a toll. It’s important to find healthy ways to cope but it can be challenging. In today’s culture, there is such a stigma surrounding mental health and substance abuse issues. The truth is, it’s okay to not be okay. Steven Slater’s story is a powerful one that we can all identify with, whether you’re a flight attendant or not. Each and every one of us faces a great deal of pressure on a day-to-day basis from our jobs, our families, and our communities. Sometimes a helping hand may be all that we need to make a difference in our own lives. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you or someone you know needs help, reach out to your company or union employee assistance program, or check out some of the resources we’ve listed below.
A special thank you to Steven Slater for taking the time to chat with Two Guys On A Plane and for being so open and candid about his story. If you haven’t already, check out his new book, Wingwalking, a compelling memoir about addiction, mental illness, and his life in aviation. Available now at Barnes & Noble and Amazon!
RESOURCES FOR FLIGHT ATTENDANTS
FADAP | Flight Attendant Drug & Alcohol Program FADAP is a substance-abuse prevention program, created and promoted for and by the flight attendant profession and funded by the FAA. Phone: 855.333.2327 Online:https://www.fadap.org
RESOURCES FOR EVERYONE
NAMI | National Alliance on Mental Illness HelpLine The NAMI HelpLine is a free, nationwide peer-support service providing information, resource referrals and support to people living with a mental health conditions, their family members and caregivers, mental health providers and the public.
SAMHSA | Substance Abuse and Mental Health Helpline The SAMHSA Helpline is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.
The cabin is pressurized. The air is dry and stagnant. There’s very little space to breathe let alone get comfortable for a moment. You’re likely working alongside people you barely know, or you might even be working alone depending on the type of aircraft you find yourself on. At the end of this incredibly long day, you may end up in a slightly run-down airport hotel with just enough time to catch a few hours of sleep. But, on the other hand, you may end up in a luxurious hotel with a comfy bed (or two), endless hot water that you aren’t footing the bill for, and maybe even a beautiful beach nearby in some exotic destination. This is the life of a flight attendant. People often see crew members and say, “I’ve always wanted to do that. It seems so exciting.” Well, it definitely has its ups and downs, but is it lonely? Hardly. Whether it’s a new coworker or passengers on the plane, we meet hundreds and hundreds of new people each and every day. While most people you encounter are strangers and continue on being strangers, some of the people you meet become friends, or in our case, husbands.
There have been a lot of articles circulating the internet lately about the lonely life of an airline crew member. Stories include being away from your family during the holidays, missing important events for loved ones, and struggling to maintain normal everyday relationships. While these articles contain a lot of truth, many flight attendants consider some of these “difficult” aspects to be some of the best parts of the job. Whether you had a long and busy day of flying, you have a lot going on at home, or even a spouse and kids to juggle, that down time on a layover by yourself can be an invaluable opportunity to recharge. Most people think it would be impossible to have kids and fly for a living. While that may be true, we certainly know a lot of incredible moms and dads that make it work. It can be be challenging, but I think any parents out there could agree that a night in a comfy hotel room away from a hectic household would be much-appreciated.
Imagine this scenario for a moment. You just finished an incredibly long day (or night) of flying. You walk into a nice hotel room and it smells fresh. The sheets are crisp, the towels are white and fluffy, and the balcony off your room overlooks the Eiffel Tower. You can relax, take a hot shower, explore the area, or do absolutely nothing and it doesn’t matter one bit. Sometimes we all need that downtime to refresh and rejuvenate. Escapism may not be the healthiest way to live your life, but we all crave a good getaway from time to time. Being a flight attendant allows you to do that guilt-free all while getting paid. This is, by far, one of the greatest perks of the job and definitely not a disadvantage for all of us.
As for anyone in a relationship or attempting to be in one, trust me when I say I know how it feels. You’re probably rolling your eyes while reading this because we are a happily married couple, but both of us previously struggled with relationships. If you’re dating, trying to build something meaningful when you’re constantly on the go can prove to be challenging, but far more worth it than doing so in a conventional way. In our case, we met while leading completely different lives and living hundreds of miles apart. Because of that, we had to put extra effort into seeing each other. Somehow, with a little bit of fate and a lot of hard work, we both knew that the other person was someone we wanted to spend more time with which made things a whole lot easier to work out in the long run. If you have to spend hours on a plane, drive countless miles, or spend all of your free time attempting to see someone – and actually enjoy doing it – then they might just be worth your while. The caveat, of course, is that you have to make sure the effort is reciprocated by the other person. Nobody wants to be caught up in an unrequited love situation. We’ve all been there.
For those of you already in a relationship, issues of trust and communication come to mind immediately since you most likely spend a great deal of time apart. If you and your significant other are the kind of people that can talk about anything and everything, and trust that the other is on their best behavior while on the road, then you’re golden. Plus, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You might just enjoy missing your significant other a little bit every now and then. The constant struggle of dating and relationships may seem to be a disadvantage of the flight attendant lifestyle, but if anything, it proves to you that what you’re doing is worth it and you have indeed found the right person. This same idea can be applied to your family and friends. Ultimately, the people that matter most will understand that you love what you do and they’ll work around it. If you’re lucky, they’ll go the extra mile to show you how important you are to them. Whether it’s driving to the airport in the middle of the night to see you or even moving a holiday around to accommodate your schedule, you’ll quickly learn who’s in it for the long haul.
Many people think of flight attendants as overworked and lonely, while others see vintage glamour and an exciting lifestyle. As with most things, being a flight attendant is what you make of it. Every job has its advantages and disadvantages. While some may let the loneliness of the fly life affect them, others thrive off of these little moments to appreciate what they have and all that life has to offer. Not every layover may be glamorous or exciting, but a little down time in the crazy lives that we have built for ourselves is often just what the doctor ordered.